“A certain kind of rich man afflicted with the symptoms of moral dandyism sooner or later comes to the conclusion that it isn't enough merely to make money. He feels obliged to hold views, to espouse causes and elect Presidents, to explain to a trembling world how and why the world went wrong. The spectacle is nearly always comic.”
—Lewis H. Lapham
What's the difference between Saturday Night Live and the United States of America?
Trump has made SNL great again.
Did you hear about the terrorists who hijacked Trump’s private jet?
They are threatening to release him unless all their demands are met.
How has Donald’s real estate career prepared him for the presidency?
He’s been kicking black families out of their homes for years.
What will Donald do before he deports all the illegals?
Make certain his pools are cleaned and lawns are mowed.
Donald walks into a bar and a discussion about middle eastern relations ensues. Donald intones, “If I’m President I’ll just give our Constitution to middle eastern countries. After all, it’s worked for us for nearly 250 years.”
“Besides,” says the bartender, “you won’t be using it anyway.”
A personal assistant walks into Trump’s office, “Sir, I’ve got good news and bad news.”
“What’s the good news?” asks Trump.
“God’s on the phone.”
“What’s the bad news?”
“She’s calling from Mexico City and sounds pissed.”
Did you hear Donald Trump is in an Off Broadway production of “The Vagina Monologues”?
He plays the hair.
Why doesn't Donald Trump use Preparation H?
Because he's the perfect a*****e.
How do you sleep like Donald Trump?
First you lie on one side and, then you lie on the other.
What’s brown and black and would look great on Donald Trump?
What’s Donald Trump’s campaign song?
“We Shall Overcomb.”
Why are Muslims worried about The Donald becoming president?
Because if you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
Why are the jokes in this book so short?
So Trump supporters can understand them.
A seventh grade history teacher asked, “Class? Who said ‘Give me liberty or give me death?’”
Juanita raised her hand and said in slightly accented English, “Patrick Henry.”
“Quite good, Juanita. Now class, who said, ‘I regret that I have but one life to give for my country?’”
Juanita said, “Nathan Hale.”
“Very good Juanita. And class, I’m disappointed that a student recently moved here from Mexico knows more about American history than you do.”
“Fuck the Mexicans,” said a voice from the back of the room.
“Who said that?” said the teacher.
Juanita said, “Donald Trump.”
2nd Edition includes: "The Trump-tionary: Defining Donald's Terms in Terms of Donaldness"
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