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''Does Wednesday Mean Mom's House or Dad's'' Parenting Together While Living Apart
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From Publishers Weekly
Clinical psychologist and child custody expert Ackerman presents a practical guide for divorcing parents, emphasizing that the well-being of the children involved is always more important than the concept of winning. When children are part of the picture, divorce doesn't mean the end of a couple's relationship. Instead, divorcing couples must establish new ground rules in order to remain good parents even while living apart. In advising divorcing parents on how to get along, Ackerman explains how to create a flexible visitation schedule that allows children a sense of home and permanence, suggests ways to tell the children about the divorce (preferably, together) and tells how parents can maintain communication without making a child feel like "the monkey in the middle." The author uses examples from his practice to bring his points to life (e.g., the child who decided where to spend the night based on which parent was serving French fries; the parents who ended up in a brawl at their daughter's parent-teacher conference). Ackerman's practical solutions call for parents' willingness to be cooperative and flexible (such as sharing rather than alternating holidays, or allowing a former spouse unscheduled time to attend a special event with the child). Sections on attorneys and legal matters are also included. This is a useful resource to help parents reason their way through the eventuality-or prospect-of divorce.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
From the Publisher
Two million parents divorce every year. In this wise and practical guide, Ackerman helps parents deal with the legal and emotional issues of child custody in divorce. He does not focus on "winning" custody battles but on finding the best arrangement for both parent and child. The book guides parents through coping with children's guilt, fear and feelings of abandonment, as well as practical issues such as custody disputes, relocation, remarriage, and long distance co-parenting.
--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
19/07/1998
parenting. I had become quite "stuck" in the once traditional way of thinking that the mom should automatically be the primary caretaker (because I had always been). I was extremely concerned that my 4-year old son feel as though he had his "own" home rather than feeling like a ping-pong ball with no place he could call his own. After re-educating myself, I soon realized that my son has adjusted very well and I believe he feels perfectly okay with the fact that he now has 2 homes and 2 families to be loved in. I was delighted to find that the author has written this book in everyday terms and provides some wonderful information on how to handle many aspects of the divorce/co-parenting situation.
We, as divorcing individuals, need to put aside (and work through our own grieving of the end of the marri! age and dreams we had ourselves) or the "negative intimacy" that clouds much of our initial reactions and decisions. The bottom line is that if we are truly loving and wanting to make the healthiest transition from a two-parent home to "2" - one-parent homes for our children, we must make a conscious effort to put our children truly first and not allow our emotions (or the button pushing attempts of the other parent) to trigger unhealthy reactions and/or responses from us. I have realized that if my child's father tries to push my buttons - it is because he is at a different coping level within the grieving process of divorce (negative intimacy) than I am. When I view it from this standpoint, I am much more successful at dodging those buttons!
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